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The Short Version: Curious about matchmaking, but not sure where to start? We talked to Jill Dunn, a professional matchmaker, about the basics of matchmaking, some common misconceptions, and what modern daters can expect from 21st-century matchmaking.
Full disclosure: I used to know nothing about matchmaking. I knew it existed and not much else. But after interviewing dozens of matchmakers and coming to know what the service was actually about, I regret not knowing about matchmaking sooner.
And I think a lot of daters may feel the same way.
Matchmaking is a great way to date mindfully and seriously. It’s the perfect option for singles who are ready for commitment and want extra guidance along their journey to The One. So why do so many daters not know all that much about matchmaking?
Even more importantly– why is matchmaking surrounded by so many misconceptions?
To help us clear up misconceptions and dig into what matchmaking really is, we talked to professional matchmaker Jill Dunn. The owner and founder of Jillin’ It, a comprehensive dating service for singles, Jill has worked with countless people looking for their match.
She told us that matchmaking isn’t just one thing. It can be a completely private and personalized search, blind dates or even opportunities at in-person events, and can even extend into the world of online dating. The modern matchmaking scene has transformed from its state 20 years ago, and Jill filled us in on all the developments.
“A lot of people have this concept of a matchmaker being an old-fashioned thing,” Jill said. “But the real shocking part of matchmaking is that there’s a whole army of people like me, and matchmaking is this intricate process that’s designed to support people along their journeys.”
The Right Matchmaker for You
Like many of the matchmakers in the “army” Jill referred to, Jill came to matchmaking after realizing how tricky dating can be for singles reentering the dating world after a breakup, separation, or divorce.
“I got into matchmaking because I got divorced,” Jill said. “I was married for 10 years, got divorced in my early 30s with two small children. I was dipping my toes back into the dating world and it was so daunting. I wished that there were more resources for someone like me.”
Jill’s feelings at the beginning of her reentry into dating are common among daters out of their 20s. While you can find online dating platforms geared to any kind of dater or any age, an overwhelming majority of the platforms and opportunities out there are geared toward younger daters.
This can leave daters who have been through a divorce, or daters who are parents, feeling left behind. Divorced or single-parent daters may face stigma or bias on many of the mainstream apps, and it’s not a good feeling to feel like you have to explain yourself or your background, especially in the early stages of dating.
Jill saw in-person events as the way to improve her dating journey, and many singles in their 30s and beyond began finding the approach useful as well.
“I had a background in event organizing, so I just started throwing singles events locally because there were no accessible events I could find,” Jill said. “Before that, I was meeting men on apps, but I wasn’t finding anyone I was really connecting with.”
Jill’s business grew from the first singles events into matchmaking. Jill told us the expansion felt natural– people were routinely meeting and mingling at her events and often wanted to follow up with the other daters they connected with.
Eight years in, Jillin’ It offers matchmaking and dating coaching services for people along every step of their dating journey.
Matchmaking is a Worldwide Profession
When we asked Jill about the misconceptions she encounters, she told us that many people are surprised to find out that matchmaking is a worldwide profession. Matchmaking isn’t only a worldwide profession– it’s a worldwide profession with long and established functions in many communities.
“I just got back from the annual Matchmakers Alliance conference with matchmakers from across the globe,” Jill said. “Hundreds of us met to learn from and collaborate with each other. I think that’s really surprising for some people to learn how many layers there are to the industry and process.”
We’ve spoken with matchmakers from the U.S., U.K., Canada, United Arab Emirates, India, France– the list goes on. While their matchmaking processes and approaches may differ, one thing unites all matchmakers– they’re helping you get the most out of your dating experience.
One of the most important aspects of finding the right matchmaker for you is ensuring they have experience with the dating style and goals you have.
“I tend to work a lot with people who are divorced and that’s my area of expertise,” Jill said. “But I work with everyone. Right now, I have clients from the ages of 24 to 86 and everywhere in between.”
Your background and past relationship experiences are going to influence how you date, so your matchmaker should be equipped to understand and embrace your unique background.
While your matchmaker’s approach and mindset are very important to your overall success, one factor remains crucial regardless of whether you’re pursuing matchmaking or another kind of dating: your own mindset.
“I like to work with people who are authentically available and ready for connection,” Jill said. “You have to be willing, open, and vulnerable in the search, and it can take time to get to that place, especially after a divorce.”
When you work with Jill, you aren’t just getting access to her database and connections. Since matchmaking is a worldwide professional network, matchmakers often work with each other to find the best introductions for their clients.
“It’s like a love army working with clients, and we lean on each other,” Jill said. “Other matchmakers collaborate so that we can connect our clients with each other and singles in each others’ networks. We’re really working for the greater good.”
Jill Helps Clients Find Their Stride
If you’ve decided that you want to pursue working with a matchmaker, don’t get too attached to the first matchmaker you find. Most matchmakers vet their clients to make sure they will be a good fit for their services, and you should do the same thing.
Research matchmakers in your area and beyond who cater to your specific dating desires and needs. Schedule free consultations or interviews to get a feel for each matchmaker’s approach and process. Even more importantly, you should make sure you connect with your matchmaker on a personal level.
“I don’t work with everybody who inquires with me,” Jill explained. “I feel that we really need to have a good rapport, an open line of communication, and be able to create that authentic space where I can be honest with them and they can be honest with me.”
Jill told us this nuance sets the matchmaking profession apart. A great matchmaker won’t work with you unless they’re confident they can bring you something meaningful from the dating experience. This doesn’t mean a promise of a partner, but rather an illuminating experience full of self-discovery.
“If somebody inquires with me and I feel like we’re not a good match, I have hundreds of colleagues all over the world that I’m happy to set them up with,” Jill said. The unique connections matchmakers have with each other means you don’t just have one matchmaker behind you– you have a global network.
No matter where you decide to search for your next great love story, remember that optimism is a powerful tool.
Dating can become tiresome. Matchmaking offers a new way to date that can help quell some of that dating frustration and burnout.
“I know so many things about dating can be very disheartening,” Jill said. “But I can tell you firsthand, after speaking to so many amazing single men and women, that people are authentically looking for deep connection. They’re out there.”
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